In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
