Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
