did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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