i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
