When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
