She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
