ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
