I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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