I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
