Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(260): View more from Indiana

I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay

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(305): View more from Florida

Goddamnit I hate your level headedness

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(803): View more from South Carolina

i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with

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(951): View more from California

I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

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(61): View more from Australia

Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.

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