I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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