Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
