The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
