Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
