When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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