Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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