My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
