piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
