I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
