you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
