Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Randomize
