umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
