The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
