I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
