life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
