If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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