New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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