i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
