she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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