Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
