There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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