She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
