I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
