I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
