Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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