evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
