i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just want to make out with him forever
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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