There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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