New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
