I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
