one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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