Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
