i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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