then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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