I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
