oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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