Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
