we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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