You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
