She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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