I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
